Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Rag Doll

Do you ever just feel like your life is treating you like a rag doll?
You know, one arm being tugged on by one life choice, and the other being tugged on by another?

Like job choices.. Or moving choices.. 
Buy a house or continue to rent.. 
Sometimes I would love to see what the future had in store.. But then of course, I like the mystery. 

I have anxiety. I stress. I'm a Mom. 
My world has completely changed since the birth of my son. 
I'm not the same loud and crazy girl all the time anymore. I've Grown up.. It's what you do. 

I don't like the town we are living in, this is not a new fact..and we'll I know I have made it known. However, I am thankful.
My husband is here, my child was born here. And Honestly, my husband has a wonderful and rewarding job here. 

 I personally wouldn't mind moving back to Texas. Yep.
:: Why don't you?::
We talked about it.. Seriously. We made plans, and even started looking at places in Austin to get an idea of what part we would want to be in..
Well, it's not what is best for my family.
Yes, I have my parents and my sisters there.. And don't get me wrong it would be wonderful to be back. However, as much as I don't want to be here. I can't help but feel like this is where God needs us to be right now. We are really starting to get a grip of this while "parents" gig.. And right now.. It just isn't the right time for us to leave. 
In due time, we will end up exactly where we need to be.. It may not be Nebraska, it may not be Texas.. Who knows.

I honestly started getting really frustrated and angry at God for the last few months.
I'm battling my own Demons and feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I have the Devil pulling me one way, and God pulling me the other.
I have to cut out the negative in my life. I can't focus! I have my own family now to worry about.
I've spent many nights awake, as my mind wonders and just trying to figure things out. I've been crushed by my job.. As well as other personal situations. 
So I started to Pray. 

During those nights that I couldn't sleep, I would read other blogs from new moms and many Faith writers.. Where I came across a woman's online bible study group.. Just what I needed! 
I've recently joined up with She Reads Truth
Im currently on the woman of the bible..Even though the group is on Daniel, I decided to start on my own.
I started with Women Of The Bible Part1, and cried on almost all of the devotion contents. It really hit me. Hard. 
How can I be so selfish? And Why am I not thankful for God every day?

Honestly, I was frustrated with God and with myself for our struggles.. My husband was having some hardship with his job and we were having a hard time making ends meet.
I was frustrated with God for my battles, my Postpartum  Anxiety and depression made me feel like my marriage was failing..when It wasn't.

I was angry at other life situations. And really contemplating many changes. 

It's all in his timing.
Our struggles only make us stronger, as a couple and as a family.
I have learned so much while "penny pinching" our months away.
I am thankful for the fact that yes we were tight..but we paid our bills..we kept food on the table and a healthy HAPPY baby boy.

There comes a point in life, when you have to do what is best for you and your family.

God only gives us what he feels we can handle

What kind of life changing choices have you and yours had to make? 



  1. I needed to read this today. I have struggled with many of the same things. So thank you for writing it!

    I also need to check out that bible study!

    1. I hope everything works out for you Doll!
      And yes, check out She Reads Truth. It's wonderful! Download the bible app and you can search the Plans for it. They'll even send you reminders to read your daily devotional. I Love it!

  2. I think all moms feel that way, it is definitely a life-changer! But oh so worth it! :)

    1. It so is! Thanks, Girl!
      Great blog btw!